Look around you, every where you go, especially wandering around in this virtual mind space here in this online land.  There are SO MANY PEOPLE.  So many attitudes, intentions, desires, loves, hates, egos, wills, sex driven manias.  It boggles my mind.  I am boggled by the sheer multitude of people.  In some ways it is comforting to know at some level that all are more similar in our desire for physical comfort and genetic one-upsmanship, but at the same time, that’s the worst part.  I mean, I at my most selfish and optimize-my-genetic-exchange oriented mindset am not as selfish and genetically oriented as some other Joe _____ Blow out there.  I know I’m not.  I know I’m mellow and not as fucking driven in that regard as other people are.  Does that mean I will naturally mate with someone who is similarly not as driven to optimize their procreation opportunities and will give birth to a line of people who don’t try as hard to screw the hottest piece of ass on the block?  It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I don’t want to as much as some other hot ass seeking dude (or dudette).  I mean, I’m just mellow, you know?

And another thing that boggles my mind is that all those people, so many masses of them, are, for the most part, getting better every day.  You know, like the Beatles song, getting better everyday.  It is my firm belief, in spite of the propaganda by the religious extremists to the contrary, that most people are in general getting better.  True, maybe their educational levels in this country are slipping in relation to other countries, but humantiy as a whole is getting better.  I think that is what the moneyed elite are afraid of more than anything, that the people at large are improving every day and so must continually be kept down, so that they, the moneyed elite, can maintain their position at the “top.”

Today I recorded some guitar tracks for my friend Grace on her song, Family.  It’s a song about having family all around the world, and that sometimes you have to cut your hair, and cut your losses.  I haven’t cut my hair in months, and it’s grown to be a big ass afro.  Grace hasn’t cut her hair in a longer time, so, I’m not sure what the meaning of that line is, unless perhaps its symbolic, or metaphorical, which is something fundamentalists don’t get very well.  They think Jesus literally walked on water and literally died and then literally, physically, rose again three days later.  There’s no symbolic meaning allowed there.  Come ON, people, he rose again in SPIRIT, his spirit rose, as in the spirit of the truth, the spirit of the message.  His life had meaning even without the way he died.  It’s not all about his death.  Jesus Christ!  Sigh.  Grace’s boyfriend, Sy, cuts his hair from time to time though.

I was thinking of getting my hair cut tomorrow, but I’ll probably wait until I get some good video of my self with my shag, for inclusion in a music video I’m working on for my song, Beauty Revealed.  The story of the video will unfold in such a way that the cutting of my hair will be symbolic of an internal transformation I undergo as a result of the loss of 3 women, all of whom will be played by really hot up and coming actresses.  My interactions with the women will be with the shag, and then after I lose all 3, I’ll go through this self discovery of what really matters, and then I’ll cut my hair, and shave my beard/scruff, and I’ll get up at dawn and meditate as the sun rises over the misty mountains under the oak trees and BE.  And then my dream woman will descend from the clouds on a flaming chariot, clothed in gleaming pure white raiment, holding a golden staff with a symbol on it.  Ya, that’s right, a SYMBOL.  Can you say, SYMBOL?  (If you’re a fundamentalist, you might want to avoid this since it will require mental activity)

Well, maybe her raiment will be off-white white, since according to Ken Nordine, even the purest whitest white that one can possibly imagine, is still, slightly, just a bit, off-white white.  Individual existence is, after all, intrinsically, relatively limited, and only spans a spread of the spectrum, and only to a limited degree, or amplitude.  You only exist to a limited degree.  Nothing that you think is absolute is experienced by you to an absolute degree.  Yes, you DO experience the absolute, but not as much as it seems to you that you do.  Hence, the truth of the off white white.  But, really, focusing on the relatively limited nature of existence can kind of take the fun out of living.  So, screw it.  Even If you think you know the absolute truth, just don’t go expecting me to know it the exact same way you do.  I think it’s great that you have that faith, but it loses its meaning when you force it on someone else, because forcing it inherently admits that it is not absolute, because if it was, you wouldn’t have to force it.

I’ve been observing my ego lately.  Though I think I’m fairly good at this observing ego thing, as we were talking about in Earthsong, I definitely think I have room for improvement. Well, I believe in potentially unlimited improvement, so that’s a given. But I definitely notice it sometimes. For example,when I hang out with you I get kind of spaced out and kind of swept away into the moment, have trouble concentrating to some degree on anything in particular, etc. If that was me doing the shopping for my stuff, I would have probably forgotten stuff and taken twice as long. And like when my friend D asked me what I was up to, I just said, “just hanging out,” and didn’t think to introduce you until after you turned and walked away, nor did I think to say anything more interesting and descriptive of my present moment, something like, “just workin out a little at the gym with my good friend, N here.” Anything, ANYTHING more interesting than, “just hanging out.” Hesitation is another thing I tend to have issues with. I hesitate, and the moment is gone. What were you thinking that moment in Earthsong when I hesitated and just said, “just hanging out.” Did you think, “ya, that’s your problem, Thomas, you’re always just hanging out. When are you going to NOT just be hanging out?”

I like listening to you. I like listening to you think out what you want to say, choose your words, ponder your intended meaning, picking your path among the choices of ideas, thoughts, and concepts. I’m wishing I had asked you more questions, to hear you more. Maybe next time we hang out I will overcome my tendency to just be, and take my opportunity to ask you lots of questions. Questions. Venture on a quest for your truth. Quest-ions.

I want to do everything. I love life so much. I like being. It’s so cool. It rocks. I love life. Life. Life. Life. To Live. I live.  You live. We live. Awesome, huh. Amazing. Life fucking rocks my world.

To live, to really live, to really totally completely live, or to totally all out and absa-fucking-lutely give-it-your-all live? That is the question.