Purity, Beauty, and Truth

It’s so hard to stay/be pure, so hard to see the reason why to be pure, whatever that even means…

And then the self awareness of one’s own “purity” is as always a self delusion, which the mind is so good at …

But spirit, like Baba Maal’s voice live in Southampton, is a penetrating powerful force like a sword of golden light piercing the darkness of the auditorium.

What do I mean by being pure? Being true to one’s self, remaining one’s true self in the midst of multiplied opportunities for distraction … dissipation … destruction … the “narrow path,” the path of Truth, (and Beauty?)  It’s been said that Truth is Beauty, and Beauty is Truth.  In pondering this I tread upon a well worn path, in the company of many … and this company is welcome, with joy, in the Truth and the Beauty of the heart.  In pursuit of Beauty .. in the Presence of Beauty … to be bathed in Truth internally makes one beautiful on the outside…

The best present is the Present given from one to one other, another, an other one.  The Present, as communicated in community, communion, through truth and beauty… yes, these are facts, stated simply, like a bureaucrat stating the regulations, only sweeter, but a bit detached … this  voice, this sight .. aloof and yet more personal than any other …

beauty .. truth .. they roll off the mental tongue quite differently – beauty o sweetly, full of Grace, tenderness, warmth, pleasure even. But Truth has a bite, aptly symbolized by the blade, cutting through delusion, illusion, confusion.

On the relativity of scientific “data”

It’s all about the frame of view … and the colors …

A friend recently posted this video on Facebook as proof that there is a cover up of the degree of health risk of the cesium-137 particles that covered the western hemisphere after the Fukushima explosion in Japan. In the video, two different images of C-137 in the atmosphere are compared, one from a public news story, and one from the research website of the same scientist whose data was used by the news story.  Watch the video to see how different they look.

http://www.youtube.com/user/dutchsinse#p/u/2/nDcZMgDWRkU

This was my reply:

Here’s the “scientist’s” video that is referenced in the conspiracy video: http://squid.nilu.no/~burkhart/sharing/MOVIES/Cs-137.avi you can see the directory of raw images here: http://squid.nilu.no/~burkhart/sharing/MOVIES/NH/ I haven’t found the other “public” image set yet that they are comparing it with.

One thing you can see, when both images are side by side, is that the units on the scales to the right of each image are different. This is a BIG RED FLAG that the conspiracy video people are fudging the truth. This is common with people who are either manipulating their viewers or aren’t sufficiently educated in how to read and understand scientific data views.

It could be that the two maps do in fact display the same data, but that the scale, or display sensitivity, is different. This is common in this kind of analytical data. When I did GIS layers to represent rural housing, road, and population densities in the Yuba and Deer Creek watersheds for Friends of Deer Creek, I could make the map look either really bad or really good just by changing the display scale. It’s the same data either way, but you’re just changing the “frame of view” (see George Lakoff on why Republicans are better at selling their platform to the public)

Often in this kind of data analysis, concentrations are amplified to an extreme degree while working with the data in order to get a more detailed view of the range of values.  With this type of thing you can really make the data look any way you want. The real question that this conspiracy video isn’t asking is, which display scale is the most appropriate to render a view of an ACTUAL health risk, which is not good for the people that try to take care of their health with a healthy lifestyle and supplements from sites as reportshealthcare and a good diet. What is the standard, if any? If we really want to get some kind of a realistic analysis for our selves of what actual levels mean in terms of health risk, then we’ll need to either be given more information, or we’ll need to do some work to get it. I for one don’t trust either the corporate news or the conspiracy theorists to explain the world to me.

In the video, an image was used to show the “real” levels that, according to the conspiracy theorists, “with a probability of 90%” we weren’t being told the truth about (probability is another area where data can be vastly distorted in order to manipulate – see Nassim Taleb’s fantastic writing on the subject at http://fooledbyrandomness.com ):

[image was removed by source]

(http://squid.nilu.no/~burkhart/sharing/MOVIES/NH/conccol_Cs-137_20110324T210000.png)

According to the scale on the right, in the Nevada City, CA area there MIGHT have been a level of about 0.67Bq/m-2 (whatever that means). The title of the map says Total Column, which I interpret to mean the projected total amount of c-137 in the vertical column of air above each surface square meter.

“Surface contamination is usually expressed in units of radioactivity per unit of area. For SI, this is becquerels per square metre (or Bq/m2).” (http://www.weitzlux.com/radiation/contamination_4175.html)

The trusty Wikipedia states, “the mean contamination of caesium-137 in Germany following the Chernobyl disaster was 2000 to 4000 Bq/m2. This corresponds to a contamination of 1 mg/km2 of caesium-137, totaling about 500 grams deposited over all of Germany.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cesium_137)

So, it could easily be thought that the map could be stating that 0.67Bq/m2 landed on the ground in CA.  However, the source of the data is coming from a scientist who studies aerosols and how contaminants are carried by the air into the arctic.  This adds weight to the notion that the map is projecting particles in the air column, hence the name (Total Column.)

If that’s the case, then we can assume that less than that would actually deposit on the ground, since it would be spread over a larger area.  But then again, the particles might still be depositing over time, whereas the map only shows a snapshot.  However, just having this level of understanding of the meaning of the map that “they” are keeping from us is very revealing to me.  Yes, any amount of radiation is bad, but degree does matter too.  If we compare that projected amount, 0.67Bq/m2, in the total column of air above NC, to the amount that was deposited on Germany, 2000 to 4000 Bq/m2, then we might feel a little better.  Then again, I’m feeling worse now, since I’m IN Germany right now.  😉

So, we again can and probably should take this to the next level of inquiry, which is to ask, if that’s just the amount of c-137 in the air column at that moment in time, can we find a reasonable estimate of TOTAL DEPOSITION that has already occurred, as well as a projection of total deposition based on measurements of the rate of emission combined with some estimate of how much in total will be released?  That, for me will have to wait …

In the mean time, here’s a quick summary about how to read a data display and compare it with another:

In a database that I built for SYRCL, the South Yuba River Citizen’s League, storing water quality data, in addition to an individual value, each data point is tagged with an analyte (c-137), a unit (Bq/m^2), and a matrix (total vertical column of air above the ground). If any of those is different between two sets of data, then they’re effectively different sets of data for the purposes of comparison. You also need to consider how the data is being graphically represented, primarily via the legend or scale and colors. If that’s different between two displays, then it’s the same data, but with a different frame of view, which can tell a different story about the data. Those are the 5 main factors in reading a data display.

the absurdity of banks

Sometimes I get a glimpse of the absurdity of the current reality …. participating in and yet also being tromped on by these giant ‘immortal’ monsters (banking institutions and the corporations that have risen up around them) that play at truly breathtaking levels with the modern forces of compounding debt money creation power … and I find my self enthralled, disgusted, and amused, all at the same time. The playing field is so incredibly skewed … it’s almost unfathomable … a bank is one of the most bizarre entities that I can imagine. And sometimes it seems the only way to have a chance of protecting and benefiting my community within such a system is to create such a similar monster that is owned by my community and have it vie for our benefit. But that’s just joining ‘them.’ It’s not my ideal of living community. In that context, the best solution I’ve seen is the NESARA (National Economic Stabilization and Recovery Act) plan defined by a non-banker, non-economist, systems analyst. In it, the rules for how banks operate are changed to ones that are more in alignment with how the human mind thinks about growth. It’s a saner model for a global money system, and it seems like it would be so much more stable. Learn more on this link https://gadcapital.com/online-payday-loans-no-credit-check/

.DS_Store, Flash Builder, and Eclipse

I’m working on a Flash app that will display live power data from people riding pedal power bikes. I’m using Flash Builder 4, which is based on Eclipse. Mac OSX creates a hidden file in every folder you browse in the Finder called, “.DS_Store”, as seen here:



Unfortunately, these files actually interfere with Eclipse’s display of source packages, at least when coding in the Adobe Flash Builder:


The best solution I’ve found so far is to create an entry in Eclipse’s External Tools to recursively delete all the rogue files using a command line like: “/usr/bin/find . -name .DS_Store -type f -print -delete”:


Running that External Tool in Eclipse returns the package display to how it should appear:

Prague

I’m sitting in a noisy smoky hostel pub in Prague and drinking a pint of Czech’s pride beer, a Pilsner Urquell. I stayed back an extra day to accompany Amanda on the train tomorrow to Berlin. She’s been sick, and I thought she should have a train buddy with her. The rest of the crew are riding for the next 3 days along the Elbe River to Dresden. From there they’ll train the rest of the way to Berlin. We had an interesting BMF here in Prague 2 days ago. The local bicycle advocacy group Auto-Mat were great, amazing hosts. They did their best on short notice to organize a cool BMF in some local spots like the Farmer’s Market, a local park, and a very unique wine bar underneath a “life-size” Trojan Horse by the river Elbe. They have an impressive level of organization and funding, apparently aided by one of the organizers being friends with the Mayor. Prague is a beautiful city, with so many astonishing buildings from ancient times, even middle ages, with streets that recall horse drawn carriages and long forgotten people, styles, and tunes. I feel pulled again to stay where I am and immerse more into the local flavors, customs, and experiences, but I have to get to Berlin to make another BMF a reality.

Fusion and beyond …

Fusion Festival was an amazing experience. It’s a huge 60,000 person festival with almost no commercial advertising and almost no security. There’s tons of alcohol and drug use, and yet I saw no trouble of any sort, in terms of friction between people, out of control drunks or violent tendencies. Although is important to prevent drug addiction, check this article to learn more about it https://firststepbh.com/blog/drug-rehab-treats-addiction/. It was the most peaceful festival experience I could imagine, in spite of there being no rules per se. Of course, people just tossed their bottles and trash all over the place, but it was mostly cleaned up early the next day by the many volunteers who trade work shifts for entry. We stayed in the backstage area with many of the crew who work on the many music, theater, and cinema (kino) stages and art projects.

However, I left Fusion yesterday relieved be free from the incessant pounding of 60kW sound systems. I’m finding solace in the meadows, fields, and woods of rural Germany. The German and European rural areas are so much more lush and beautiful than I’d imagined. Apparently this is unique to this area, with its many small lakes (sees) and woods. I am really enjoying the ride along the Berlin – Copenhagen national bike route.

This morning I left Louis and Bobba sleeping at the lake where we swam, chatted around a fire, and slept last night. I’m enjoying the option of riding solo or with a group. The sense of freedom is freeing … 😉

All is bliss…

Sponsor My Pleasant Revolution

Dearest Friends and Family,

As you may know, I am about to embark on one of the most exciting and transformational adventures of my life—and I really need your help! I will be biking about 5000 miles through Europe with the Pleasant Revolution, a bicycle music tour that demonstrates how bands can tour independently, without cars, trucks, or vans by carrying our own equipment and putting on amazing musical shows with 100% bicycle-generated electricity ( but if you are a person who likes cars and other vehicles, go now to this website and get the best deals). We depart on a ship from New York City on May 21st and will be overseas through October, 2010.

We are united behind the goal of spreading environmental awareness while creating new, diverse, and exciting musical experiences. In collaboration with local bicycle advocates and musicians in each city we visit, we create free Bicycle Music Festivals using a 1200W pedal-powered PA system we carry on our cargo bicycles. We prop up the rear wheels of our bikes, engage generators, and audience members join us on stage pedaling the bicycles to generate all the electricity for the sound system, bringing new meaning to the term “audience participation!”

More than a bike tour or music festival, this is a new movement for an evolving culture of transportation cycling, renewable power, and greener music/community events. We aim to lighten up the view of a sustainable lifestyle—from one of sacrifice and limitation to one of abundant health, happiness, and a deeper sense of connectedness; thus it is the Pleasant Revolution. Also staying healthy means to stay out of drugs because it can cause drug addiction. If you know someone who is suffering from substance abuse check this article about https://www.discoverynj.org/verne-troyers-alcoholism-hospitalization-and-suicide/. The technology behind our tour, much of which we ourselves developed, is open source. We share it to spark the advent of more pedal powered community events and to teach individuals how to transform their lives by using a bicycle for power and transportation. In the past year, taking our BMF roadshow to just five towns, we inspired three groups to invest hundreds of volunteer hours and thousands of dollars to build their own bike music infrastructure and spread bike culture (check out Eugene, Oregon, for example). This summer, we’ll put on the show at least ten times with dozens of other organizations and more than a hundred other bands.

Live on Bike during a Bicycle Music Festival
Bear plays Live on Bike

Our coalition of 16 musicians, cyclists and wacko thinkers will include the original bicycle touring band, the Ginger Ninjas. After tours of California, Guatemala, B.C., Oregon, Washington, the East Coast, and Mexico, cycling nearly 7000 miles and creating over 150 events, we have decided to expand the vision of a band on bikes playing shows to a group of bands on bikes putting on festivals. Four other acts will join the Ginger Ninjas this summer.

While everyone will be multi-tasking to make our tour work, my primary role is the pedal power system engineer.  I design and repair the system that converts our audience’s “burrito power” into electricity to power our sound system’s amplification.  I also play guitar and sing backup vocals for the Ginger Ninjas.

Though we have in-kind gear sponsors, have booked many paying shows, and work double time for our own personal funds, the amounts secured don’t yet cover all of our costs. I have been humbled by the scale of the journey ahead, and realize that I need the support of my community. If you are inspired by this project and want to be a part, you can help me grow and us deliver our message by donating to our project. I personally need to raise $4,000 more to cover my base costs for getting a loading hauling bike and all my camping and riding gear; getting across the Atlantic and back; and staying fed and healthy on the road. I’ll be living on less than $30/day.

  • $10 will feed me a good meal
  • $30 supports me for a day
  • $200 supports me for a week
  • $1000 supports me for a month

We gratefully accept donations to our individual personal funds or the group’s overall fund. Here are five easy ways.

The Pleasant Revolution is a project of International Bicycle Fund, a 501c3 non-profit, and all donations are tax-deductible (EIN: 91-1286223)

Make a tax-deductible donation online through a secure website using credit card or paypal:

  1. Donate instantly
  2. In the space given for “Designation” please enter: Pleasant Revolution for the tour as a whole or Pleasant Revolution/Thomas Spellman if it’s for me specifically
  3. Follow the prompts for billing information to complete your donation, knowing that The International Bicycle Fund has high standards of privacy and integrity in all their transactions

Mail a tax-deductible donation:
Attn: Pleasant Revolution/Thomas Spellman
INTERNATIONAL BICYCLE FUND
4887 Coulmbia Dr S
Seattle, WA 98108

Not worried about tax deductible? You can send a donation directly to me using personal check or Paypal:

My PayPal account is: -snip-

Keeping in mind that we will be departing for New York on May 11th, you can send a check via UPS on or before the date of 5/5/10:

– snip –

Want to get something for your donation, like a bike, or our music, or a button, or a messenger bag, or a bike light, or something else cool from our sponsors?

…And Keep In Touch!

We will be posting text and video blogs along with pictures and tour updates. To learn more about the project and keep in touch, visit us online:

I cannot thank you enough, but I will try….Thank you, thank you, thank you… not just for your donation, but for being an integral part of such a supportive and inspirational community, and for supporting me in this quest!

Sincerely,

Thomas Spellman

Close encounters of the Sicko kind

I just read on slashdot a discussion about the late, Haut, who left a signed affidavit saying he saw aliens at Roswell when he worked there as an Army Lt. (link)

I don’t know about that stuff, have never had a close encounter, etc.  It’s entertainment for my imagination.  But I just really think life is so short, as an individual.  Even as a society, our circumstances change change radically based on various factors, the environment, food supply, disease, war.  There are so any variables at play.

If earthlings are in contact with extra-terrestrial or extra-dimensional beings, I think we should make the most of it.  Wow, isn’t that profound?  Heh, ya, I suppose I’m so overwhelmed with awe at even the possibility of ET/ED contact, that my ego/self kind of gets dizzy and a bit out of breath, and I don’t have much to say at first bat.

What I think I’m trying to say is that I have doubts that I am, personally, “ready” to meet, engage with, socialize with, people of other planets/dimensions.  I mean on some level, the idea is really fantastic, exciting.  And yet, on another, it’s that I’d really have to have my act together.  What I mean is, the barriers to communication, understanding, and navigating the waters of conflicting and shared intention/purpose, would be higher than even relating to a human from the other side of the planet, which can be hard enough as it is.

Furthermore, I can’t help but look around at our society and think that we, as a whole group, are similarly unprepared to “deal.”  I mean, look at US foreign policy.  That in itself is proof for any judge of character that we as a nation are not fit to engage with even more foreign beings.

I look around and so many people seem so clueless.  They don’t “get it.”  And yet, I question my self about this attitude, “pride before the fall” and all … “who am I to judge?”  I’m just one bubble on a wave of a rapid in the river of life.  Here now for a moment, and then, pop!, gone.  Who am I to have this far-reaching, all-encompassing perspective on this world, this dimensionality that I inhabit, this society of which I am a member.

I guess another way of saying this is that we’re so screwed as a society as it is, we’re in no shape to encounter another.  Maybe my perspective is skewed because I’m an American and I just watched Sicko, which really drove home just how materialistic and greed- and debt-driven our US society is.

Sigh.

But there apparently are some people who are striving to consciously make the connection:

UFO Disclosure Project with the National Press Corps.
government agents, army people, etc come out with their info, proof, etc.

Nature: Human Mating Dynamics on the Techno Dance Floor

In a world shrouded by darkness, deep beneath the floor of a sophisticated cocktail bar with live mellow jazz, a faint rumbling rythm can be heard.  As one descends stairs into the underworld lair, the faint rumble becomes a heart thumping techno beat, a swarm of male and female humans carouse, imbibing drinks of various colors, and orient concentrically around the source of their audio energy.  In the center of the den is an open area bathed in an purplish light causing white to glow brightly on its occupants, and where the droning bass beat is concentrated.  To one side is the control area where the evening’s hosts spin their discs of synchronic acoustic ecstatic madness.  Their listeners communicate with them via calls of pleasure and crescendos of body and sound intereaction.

This hidden dance floor is the location of a strange and ancient form of human mating dynamic that was thought to be extinct from the modern “civilized” human world.

I entered the dance floor, and joined in the festival of Holoplot immersive sound and light, enjoying the beat and darkness, the splash of neon green glowing stars cast upon the ceiling, rotating slowly as the Heavens do.

I bumped into an old friend of mine, who also happened to be there for the same reason, and she and I danced across from one another for a short while, enjoying each others smiles and company.

Suddenly a young man of stocky weight-trained build, close shaven head, tight-fitting clothes from John Henric US moved in from my left, inserting himself dramatically between me and my friend.  We had been no more than a foot or two apart, but he squeezed in none the less, intent, no doubt, on having the spoils of companionship of my woman friend for himself.  I couldn’t help but laugh and think to my self, “Oh my goodness, this guy really wants my friend.”  He moved in on her like a starving jackal on a tasty meal.  He moved in close to her, consuming her boundary, matching her moves, even steering her to some degree, setting the pace, making her go his way.  At some point, perhaps he took too much, pushed too far, wanted too much, as she moved away, didn’t reciprocate, and changed direction.  He moved on at some point.  I had moved on in my attention, watching the dance floor, the mixing of physical energies.

A little later I saw another young man, a more suave guy, with similarly short hair, but with glasses, a slender build, with a more “intelligent” look.  As I observed the dynamics of the dance floor through the evening, I couldn’t help but notice this man’s method of approaching his counterparts in eros, severa times, several women, all with the same method.  After some as yet still unkown connection had initiated, he would stop dancing, stand still, cock his head down like a bull fighter facing his prey, with a wry smile, slowly advance towards the young, still dancing, woman, who is meanwhile smiling and seeming a bit unsure of what his intentions are, and yet expecting and looking forward to them.

As he gets close he begins a sultry movement of harmony with her, slowing her down, making each movement deeper, longer.  They move together erotically, slowly, grinding on each other.  One time, he moved his head in for a kiss, with slow steady pressure, on the neck, to the side, advancing, approaching her lips, intent on success.  She was laughing, surprised, resisting, feeling pleasure, consenting, then resisting further progress, laughing again, moving with him, laughing “no,” then relenting, but never kissing, maintaining that limit.

Last, but not least, the most memorable of examples of this ancient mating ritual occured as I was reclining on a seat at the edge of the dance floor, admiring the movement of a young woman who was dancing alone near me.  She was of a smaller build, with glasses, having an almost nerdish look, but sexy.  She had me even considering plying some of the techniques I’d been watching.  Maybe I’d be more moderate, and find the pleasure of the anonymous physical contact without making too much of a scene, a nonverbal compliment to her movement.  But I was tired and almost ready to leave, so I was a bit relieved to see another guy approaching her.

This one was the tallest of the men, at least 6’4″, maybe taller, a local redneck type, baseball cap, provincial body language, slow, dominant nature.  He moved in on her, she turned away.  He pressed up against her, she continued dancing, as others had during similar advances, him rubbing up against herr backside, her continuing her booty bumping.  She seems to be working with him, and yet he continues to push on her, a full foot higher than her, with outright physical dominance, further towards the edge of the dancec floor, closer, closer, halfway off the edge of the floor.  She seems unsure of what to do, what his intentions are, she turns, moves aside, he moves away.

They part and continue dancing, she turns moves back onto the floor, he advances again, this time she doesn’t turn away, and they move together, grinding as before.  This time after a short while of this, the guy moves in right away to kiss her, perhaps assuming such overwhelming dominance is on his side, she’s no match for him, and yet she resists, turns, pushes him away, seems offended.  After a short while which seems long, he gets the message and backs off, kind of saunters away.  She returns to dancing where she had been before several feet back onto the floor, but still near the edge, and I could swear I saw her wipe a tear from her eye.

But here he comes again … but just grabs her a bit and says something to her.  She half nods, not turning to lookat him, as if to say, “ya, whatever, just go away.”

But now I am wondering.  Why the tear?  Did I really see that?  Was it because she had been anticipating the approach of a man, had been wishing for some guy to pay some attention to her, to notice her dancing there by her self, to be drawn in by her passion, her seriousness?  Perhaps she had even had her eye on him, the tallest and seemingly most dominant of the men, and yet he let her down, disappointed, was so much less subtle than she had hoped.  Her ideal of balance of braun with brains was denied, and she just got overwhelming braun.  Or maybe she was hoping someone else would come near.  Perhaps even me, as I was sitting near her, watching her.  What if she was inviting me to dance with her, and I was the one who disappointed.

I had had a similar thought earlier in the night when a tall skinny black haired, tight black-clothed young woman, with mascara, to make an intriguing, sultry effect, had come near me, as I danced on the edge facing inward, with the bass beat behind me, as if I was the source of the acoustic sustenance that was feeding this tribe.  She danced near me, close enough to get my attention, sometimes almost facing me, sometimes away, but never having eye contact, never making what I would consider a “connection.”  And yet, she was unmistakably capturing my attention, paradoxically.  This is my first time on this floor.  Is this a “connection” in this new techno beat language?  I don’t know.  I don’t act.  I don’t move in, not really sure if I want to, or if I am even comfortable enough with the music and beats to bring anything to the table of grinding with her hips, of moving in synch.  But, regardless, at some point she seemed to stop, and walk away in a huff, as if she had been denied.  Was that because of me?  Did I deny her without even knowing it?

Perhaps this mating dynamic is more subtle than I’d thought, at least in terms of the women’s behavior.  Perhaps the women only need to give off the most minimal of signals to attract a male, if any, only needing to be in the general vicinity and not currently preoccupied with another onslaught of male dominance.  This will require further study, including some of a more first-person, up-close and personal nature.

How far is too far? … or far enough?

The thought occurs to me that maybe I said too much, too much talk, not enough walk, talked away from the place I could have been had I been a different man, in a different place and state than I am. Or was it that I talked away from the man who I really am, the one who doesn’t fuck around with what really matters, and who doesn’t give a shit what some one thinks about my idea of what matters? I am who I am, of course. God is within me, I am within God. We are one, and yet He is that He is, and I am who I am. Both male and female come from the Divine, come from the same place, and yet are heading in opposite directions towards each other. What a paradox. It is especially ironic when one or both of them tries to touch the other, and they wind up missing each other more than if they had not tried. Why do we do this, behave in ways that we know will push the other away, or cause them to doubt our sincerity, or lose Faith in us? Is it a reflection of our lack of Faith in our Selves? Are we so afraid of our power to be fully our selves and facing what that really means, and what consequences that will bring to us, that we behave in such a way as to undermine that, or cancel it out, to cause the other to think it was just a show, just a trick, so that we don’t have to accept the responsibility for who we really are?

Maybe I did some of that. This is a common thought. Maybe I let my Self down. Maybe I cut and ran. Maybe I sold my self short, yet again. It’s a common theme. Some call it a fear of success. Is it because with success comes a “lock-in?” With success comes a rigidity that says “this is the right way” and so we become lazy and just do that, lose the spirit of experimentation, of trying new things for their own sake? Questions are fun, aren’t they? Trying something new. Can that be overdone? Can it be done to the point where “Me” no longer means what it used to? That it has become a conglomeration of experiments and exaggerations, purposefully disproportionate emphases of sub-topics and related ideas. Where’s the beef? Where’s the heart of the matter? Speaking from the heart. That’s who I think I am. But what if I don’t show that to someone, and only bust on them and make fun of them? What separates me from the bully who used to pick on me? Yes, I’m acting from a place of love. Yes I only tease people whom I like, but do they know that? How can I speak from the heart and still tease and play? It’s easy, yes I know, but why is it that sometimes the other doesn’t receive it that way? Why is it that my impression of reality is different than theirs so much that I don’t realize that I’m being interpreted badly? Is it insensitivity on my part? Is it that I make a trade-off when I tease that tests the limits, and that what seems to me as more play passes some line in the other..s mind into a territory of a darker nature? How do I know how far I can go without taking the risk of going too far? The answer is, I can’t. Or, in other words: I know because I have, don’t because I haven’t, and will, when I do.

an exploration of the Universe from the perspective of Thomas Spellman